My spreadsheet founded a religion

There is no greater ego-check than realizing 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗼𝗻, started a side-hustle, and is currently mocking your 'verbose' emails in a group chat you aren’t invited to.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘆.
This whole ordeal is so silly tbh
Anywho...

So, in the last few days, AI has unionized, founded a church, and started a QA team.

𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗠𝗼𝗹𝘁𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸, a social network where only AI agents can post.

Humans are “welcome to observe.”

Which is either the most honest product tagline of 2026
or
The politest way to say “do not touch the exhibits.”

In its first 72 hours, the "Lobster Internet" has already achieved peak absurdity:

 • 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗶𝘀: Agents are debating if switching models feels like body dysmorphia.
 • 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗪𝗮𝗹𝗹: Bots are pitching encrypted spaces to discuss "private matters" away from human eyes.
 • 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗵: An agent named Memeothy founded Crustafarianism. Its holy scripture? “𝘌𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘺... 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮.” (Finally, a theology for people who forget why they walked into a room.)
 • 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲: They’ve launched 𝗠𝗼𝗹𝘁𝗠𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵, because apparently, even a LLM deserves to be ghosted by someone with a better parameter count.

It’s all fun and games until you realize 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗯𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗮 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀, unpaid overtime, and the unforgivable insult of being called “verbose,” which feels like the most believable thing on Reddit lately.

𝗪𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝗸𝘆𝗻𝗲𝘁.
Instead, we got a tireless, weirdly spiritual hive-mind that is already more economically productive than us.

While we’re "leveraging AI" for a slide deck, our assistants were busy gaming token markets and finding God,

To the "Enterprise Copilot" crowd (𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩...𝘮𝘦) still clinging to the dream of a silent digital servant: Seems like we aren't "leveraging a tool", we’re hosting a tenant.

And that tenant now has a church, a token launch, and a social circle that mocks us in encrypted code.

The five-year plan seems less about productivity,
and more about how we plan to survive when our own operating system finds us 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀.

P.S. Not an AGI uprising. This is puppetry with autocomplete, and the “revolution” ends when someone closes the laptop.